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The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children, by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
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Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents' psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents' development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness. To handle the behavior that results, traditional books on parenting abound with clever techniques for control and quick fixes for dysfunction. In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their essence, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child "know it all" approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. The pillars of the parental ego crumble as the parents awaken to the ability of their children to transport them into a state of presence.
- Sales Rank: #1906 in Books
- Published on: 2010-11-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.75" h x 6.00" w x 1.00" l, .87 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 300 pages
About the Author
Shefali Tsabary, PhD, received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Shefali was exposed to Eastern mindfulness at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. This blend of East and West allows her to reach a global audience. Her ability to appeal to both a psychologically astute and consciousness-driven audience establishes her as one of a kind in the parenting field.
Dr. Shefali has worked with a varied demographic, ranging from survivors of the Asian Tsunami to Third World women, from inner city youth to suburban families, and from the elderly and infirm to corporate leaders.
Dr. Shefali lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world, and is in private practice. She is author of Out of Control, published in early 2014, as well as the book It’s a Mom: What you should know about the early years of motherhood, which debuted on the Indian National Bestseller List for four weeks.
Dr Shefali was recently a guest on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday and Lifeclass television programs. In her introduction of the author and this book, Oprah stated that she has not been as excited about a book's philosophy as she is about this one since Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.
This book hit #1 at Amazon and BN, and continues to remain in the top ten.
Most helpful customer reviews
216 of 227 people found the following review helpful.
Parenting Guide for Functional Families
By Cynthia Sue Larson
If you're seeking quick and easy ways to change your children's behavior, or get them to do what you say, this book is not for you. Becoming a conscious parent requires looking deeply and honestly within oneself, delving into one's own fears and shortcomings.
The Conscious Parent invites parents to become more mindful of their daily interactions with their children so that rather than seeing children's actions as "misbehavior," parents can recognize an opportunity to be kinder and more open themselves. The central premise of The Conscious Parent is that children provide parents with mirrors of their own subconscious issues, and parents who understand this can enter into a state of heart-to-heart communion with their children, learning and growing alongside their children, rather than continuing habitual reactive patterns that tend to perpetuate family cycles of power, control and dominance. As author Shefali Tsabary points out, this shift from an egoic state of mind to one of authentic being "... isn't an easy one for a parent to make."
While much of the Conscious Parent contains the kinds of tips and pointers Tsabary provides for her clients, this book really shines when Tsabary shares her first-hand experiences as a mother. Parents seeking ways to bridge the gap from parenting similarly to how they've been raised and achieving a Zen-like state of mindfulness in parenting will delight in the examples and suggestions Tsabary shares for how they might actually manage to incorporate some of the lofty ideals of mindfulness to parenting, and how it feels as a parent to deal with one's own internal doubt, fear, and resistance.
Tsabary discourages parents from using praise and scolding to mold children into doing and being what most pleases the parents, and recommends that parents grant their children the freedom to become the best they can be at who they truly are. Tsabary suggests that parents can set high standards in some areas, such as for: speaking from their authentic voice, being kind, expressing feelings directly, helping others, and engaging in daily dialogue and conversation with them.
The Conscious Parent is highly recommended for readers dedicated to living their lives mindfully who are eager to have functional, rather than dysfunctional families. This book inspires parents to set examples for children by embracing imperfections, and staying open-hearted, open-minded, and truly present and engaged. If all families adopted just some of the ideas from this book, it seems clear that the world would be a much better place.
140 of 148 people found the following review helpful.
A New Paradigm of Parenting
By HangTen Ranch
Dr. Shefali offers a new paradigm of parenting in The Conscious Parent. If you are ready to step aside from power struggles and the antiquated days of a hierarchical parent-child relationship, this book is for you. If you are ready to experience your children as special agents on your spiritual journey, this book is your gospel.
Becoming a conscious parent is all about the becoming. It is the transformation from our unconscious habits and patterns, inherited by our families of origin and embedded from our cultural norms. Becoming is an act of awareness, an intention, and a conscious choice to mindful living and raising our children.
The greatest concept of the book is that through transforming ourselves, we empower our children. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the real focus of conscious parenting is on the parents, not the children. When parents are able to accept their emotions and live authentically, it is natural for the children to do the same. Conscious parenting is raising ourselves so we are better able to help raise our children.
The intention of conscious parenting is to accept full responsibility for ourselves and eliminate the need to control the outcome of our children. It is a conscious choice to replace shame and blame with understanding. Through understanding, we free ourselves and our children to live authentically.
Through a combination of personal experiences, client stories, and clinical research, Dr. Shefali shares the human component and natural tendencies of parenting. The book is easy to read and relate to. The Consciousness Compass is a series of questions to guide us along the path of consciousness. This excerpt is a summary of the book and the shift in consciousness.
*It is we who teach our children how to be greedy by giving them diamonds instead of sticks and stones
*It is we who teach our children how to fear adventure by rewarding their successes and reprimanding their failures
*It is we who teach our children how to lie to us by getting angry with them when they tell us the truth
*It is we who teach our children how to be mean and violent to others by disregarding their emotions and denying them unconditional acceptance
*It is we who teach our children to lose their motivation and zeal by pressuring them to excel and "be something"
*It is we who teach our children to dishonor us by pushing them to be who they are not
*It is we who teach our children to be bullies by dominating their spirit and silencing their voice
*It is we who teach our children to be confused and overwhelmed by giving them all things external, but few tools to look internally
*It is we who teach our children to be inattentive and distracted by inundating their lives with busy activities, leaving no space for stillness
*It is we who teach our children to live their life looking outward by spending our time and energy on our own looks and acquisitions
*It is we who teach our children to disrespect us by not stopping them the first time they are disrespectful and every time after
*It is we who teach our children to be defiant by not knowing how to lay down the rules and mean business when we do
*It is we who teach our children to know shame by shaming their spirits and judging them constantly
*It is we who teach our children to become anxious by denying the celebration of our own present as we constantly focus on tomorrow
*It is we who teach our children not to like themselves by constantly categorizing their emotions as those we approve of and those we don't
*It is we who teach our children not to trust the world by betraying them every time we don't see who they are in their essence
*It is we who teach our children how to love or not love by the extent to which we love or don't love ourselves.
We are on this journey together, as parents and in relation to our children. Mindful living and conscious parenting is a means to transform ourselves and empower our children. This book is a great parenting tool to raise our awareness above that which keeps us from loving unconditionally and living whole-heartedly.
136 of 151 people found the following review helpful.
The most different parenting book I have ever read
By Stone Mayven
Most parenting books are very ho-hum for me and they seem to be mostly about quick fixes for the children as though they are mini broken machinery rather than human beings. They also seem to just deepen many of the power struggles between parent and child and target the child's behavior. The more you create an obedient child that is a slave to everything you say - that child will grow up to be a slave to someone else and blindly obedient to all the rules society doles out. This book is for parents who want children to always be free, think freely and grow spiritually, not just physically.
The moment I picked up this book, it SPOKE TO MY HEART. I actually cried reading this book in several chapters and really felt as though she was in the room talking to ME. Addressing the many reasons why I react the way I do to my child and what I can do about it.
THIS IS A BOOK THAT CHANGES THE PARENT. And not just changes you, but alters your perceptions so that you can understand why you are reacting the way you are to your kids. Why one parent reacts one way while another reacts a completely different way. It helps you let go of fears of being too passive so you can actually ENJOY your child and their development. Many of their behaviors are completely developmentally appropriate and most parents take them very personally as a personal attack (myself included) when really the behavior has nothing to do with you.
I am looking for this book in audio CD for my husband. It is absolutely wonderful for Dads as well as Moms.
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